Imagine you’re at a meetup, and you’re having a conversation about something that just happened in the news.
While making your point, you mispronounce a word… and someone interjects, “Well, actually, you’re supposed to say it like this…”
And there you are. You’re in the middle of a group of 5 people, and this person just corrected a word you said.
Sure, it has nothing to do with the point you’re making, but they went on to say, “Sorry about interrupting. Just wanted to make sure you knew the right way to say that word so you didn’t sound dumb.”
How would you feel?
On one hand, it’s nice to hear the RIGHT way to say a word. But really? Did it really need to happen in front of so many people?
Probably not, right?
And what about the guy who corrected you?
Sure, he’s not a bad guy. He isn’t thinking to himself, “Let me sabotage you right now in front of everyone.” But he did embarass you. And even if you can take it… because you’re an adult… you’ll likely never forget how he made you feel.
I know this is an egregious example, but as I look around, I see people making similar mistakes when they communicate with people.
Sometimes the mistakes are MUCH larger than other times…
…But the result is always the same: people want to be liked, they want to make a good first impression, and they want to put their best foot forward, but for whatever reason, when the time comes, they fail.
A while back, I used to chalk this up to “Well, that’s just the way they are. I can accept it, or I can move on.” But I believe being “good with people,” is a skill that can be learned. And I believe anyone – whether you’re already good with people or you’re struggling – can benefit from learning tools and techniques for becoming better with people.
As an example…
In this video, I revealed a simple strategy people can use to email influential people – and get responses (FAST).
https://socialtriggers.com/email-influential-people/
In this video, I share a dumb mistake an entrepreneur makes at a conference (and what to do instead).
https://socialtriggers.com/meet-new-people/
And in this video, I help people who want to build confidence be more confident.
https://socialtriggers.com/how-to-be-confident/
But my question to you is this:
What types of “mistakes” do you see people make when they interact with people?
Do they come off too strong?
Do they act too timid?
Do they tell bad stories?
(Oh, I know a few who do that, and it drives me nuts).
What types of things do you see out in the world?
Leave a comment below.
Its really really disturbing when no one seem to be listening to you in a conversation. Every one almost always has a preconsived opinion…so your ‘angle’ doesnt seem to matter and you just catch yourself talking to yourself. Its pitiable!
I’ve learnt to apply ‘maturity’ in such instances, so its not a big deal.
Derek Sivers just wrote an article about people (specifically managers) offering their “2 cents” on everything.
Sivers’ writes:
The boss’s opinion is no better than anyone else’s. But once you become the boss, unfortunately your opinion is dangerous because it’s not just one person’s opinion anymore — it’s a command! So adding your two cents can really hurt morale.
A business should not focus on the boss, so this restraint is healthy. You shouldn’t give your opinion on everything just because you can.
Obviously, if there’s more than “2 cents” worth of stuff that needs to change, then this rule does not apply.
****
Sounds like the person correcting your pronunciation could benefit from reading this advice too.
Here’s Sivers’ full article: https://sivers.org/2c.
I really like your example of someone making a social mistake, however I think that the reaction to a social blunder can be even more important. In your example, where you are corrected for your pronunciation of a particular word, how did you react? Thanking the interrupter for the assistance and moving on shows a sense of confidence and grace. If you react with confrontation , even if you are correct it can come off very negative. I think that having an understanding of how I would react to those most common social blunders is what will make me a better conversationalist.
What would be the most appropriate response to these common social mishaps?
People lose interest for people that talk about themselves fast. If the story does not benefit me in any way, I will definitely interrupt (politely) and ask the speaker about something else, just not to have to waste my own time with his boring stories. My time and attention are most valuable to me.
What I seen lately is people jumping to conclusions on everything without actually experimenting for themselves, and then telling you what to do in regards to what they just concluded on… Certainly not a good way to communicate with others!
In an effort to state an opposing or alternate point of view, the most common mistake I see is personalizing the response. Direct your response to the audience in general and not the individual. The message is still delivered and friction is minimized.
People who turn the conversation around to themselves and their projects or family. The whole conversation turns into look at me look at me. We really need to slow our thoughts down to listen.
People who are timid, unsecure, or tell boring stories.
I know I was sometimes one of them 🙂
People who interrupt others to talk about a completely different subject without waiting for others to finish their topic. It’s completely rude and random, and I can’t stand it.
We witness this on a daily basis.The problem here is that we are African and our English is not that European in that it is a foreign language.We have others say bad like baad or like instead of love or admire all this in the name of being sophisticated.Just listen to African politicians you will understand what I mean but they can be forgiven for trying.Whites when it comes to African languages are terrible and they are not prepared to learn even though some of them were born here.Try some IsiZulu words like love-thanda grow-khula-greet-bingelela and you will here how terrible they sound.
When the offender is US American, I just block my ears. The American pronunciation of English words just hurts.
Jean, were you making a comment or providing an example?
I’m Australian, and I found what you just said extremely rude. If you said that to me at a networking event, the next words out of my mouth would be, ‘Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom’… and I’d quickly scurry away so I wouldn’t have to be in your negative, anti-American presence. You do know Derek’s American, don’t you? And he rocks!
Thank you, Elly! I did feel offended and hurt actually. It’s a pretty broad brush to hate the way Americans speak, especially since we have so many different accents and manners of speech. Jean, you might be one of those people Derek was just talking about.
1. When people say YOU when they really mean ME: For example, instead of saying “I always do X because it makes me feel good” they would say “Doing X makes YOU feel better”. Even though they are not intending to speak for me they are going to make me feel like they are and it will only push me away.
2. When people think reading something means it’s a fact. “This study said this, that means it’s true”. There’s studies that say the complete opposite. So how do you know which one is true? Have you tested it yourself? I only speak from experience never from things i’ve just “read”. Memorization of information is not knowledge.
1. People who judge, even with an intention to connect with you, but may not know your opinion on a topic thus making it more of a disconnect.
2. People who get emotionally attached to a topic and in the process forget what’s really important. The person they’re speaking with.
3. People who talk too much… No need to expand on this i think
4. People who instinctively think of what they will say while you speak Instead of listening
Interesting Blog! Good to find you people having fun. Thanks for sharing your memorable moments with us.
People are so busy getting ready to say what they want to say that they are not even listening to what the other person is saying.
I could handle someone correcting my pronounciation though it would still feel a bit sore. But if they say “I didn’t want you to feel dumb,” my hift of sarcasm would have reared its ugly head.
I know someone who not only corrects people a lot but has such an air of arrogance when doing it. It’s definitely not to help anyone, but for her to appear superior. Of course I know that comes from true feelings of being inferior.
That was supposed to say “gift of sarcasm.”
The biggest mistake I see people making is reading another person through a set of lenses they have created having had negative experiences with similar people in the past.
What I mean is, an type B employee goes into a meeting with 2 type A managers. He just really wants to try and get across the fact that his team is struggling to complete a project. The managers dealt with another employee 5 years ago who was on the same team and who was also type B. The past employee had become very manipulative and used emotion as a manipulation tool. Unfortunately, the employee who is currently in the meeting starts to get emotional because he is actually dealing with some rough stuff at home as well, and it just suddenly all boils over. Unfortunately the 2 managers nod and pretend to be sympathetic, but they are actually reading the employee’s behaviour as manipulation, and putting their next step.
I see this kind of thing happening all the time. People need to learn that just because Barry scored exactly the same on his DISC personality test as Steve, it doesn’t mean that he is the same person and that he will always react in exactly the same way.
When someone has to disagree with everything you say. Not just a healthy debate, but literally everything you say – they disagree with. It gets exhausting and doesn’t make the other person seem smarter.
I get too hyper and tell too much at once. I liken it to the difference between a brand new puppy and an older mellowed dog. I know if I’m too eager, I push people away. My struggle is sharing enthusiasm while answering questions without giving too much information or overwhelming the person.
I see this in email communication all the time. It’s so (obviously) hard to convey tone in email. Add to that the fact that many people just aren’t comfortable communicating in writing, and you immediately create misunderstanding. It may be lost intent or lost facts or simply a lost chance to connect. In any case, it’s a missed opportunity for any business owner.
Sometimes people speaking different languages, speak English in a conference hall their pronouncation will be different.I have seen so much of people pronouncing words wrongly or in a different manner. That makes others at the conference hall make fun of him.
One thing I’m seeing more and more are small business owners/solopreneurs who don’t effectively communicate personally, in their voice, with their existing or potential customers. Similarly, they’ll have them interact with an assistant who hasn’t been introduced as part of the team. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing — and the right delegation is beautiful — but sometimes it feels a little like getting an automated customer service system when you just want to speak with a live person. Example: existing customer writes a personal email (particularly to a personal email address) and only gets a response from an assistant with no follow up from the business owner, or customer receives an email from an assistant that would really benefit from the owner’s personal touch. It takes extra time, and email oceans aren’t easy to navigate, but a little extra customer care can develop a personal feel to the relationship that generates not only good will, but better revenue and opportunities for growth.
People who talk without noticing the non-verbal cues of the listener. They can be so into themselves that they don’t notice the listener becoming the resister. The “listener” is looking around, turning his body away from the talker, yawning internally… just completely uninterested, and the talker keeps right on talking.
Amen! I also categorize this a people who “talk at you” instead of “talking with you.”
100%. Inactive listening at its peak!