Comments on: Keep Your Compliments To Yourself – Why I Prefer Criticism

By: Stephanie at Ontraport

Stephanie at Ontraport — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 17:48:39 +0000

I believe that in every situation — a friend, colleague, or client — you always want to help them improve. If you have honest, constructive feedback or criticism you should always give it.

The question is, do you pad it with a compliment for fear of coming across too blunt? If you have to ask yourself how the comment will be received, you should make sure you include a positive statement along with your feedback.

PS. Marie Forleo is one of our clients and I’ve worked with her team many times. Isn’t she amazing?!

By: Karin

Karin — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 17:46:16 +0000

I don’t care for compliments or criticism as they’re a person’s opinion of you with no or little substance. They often leave me with a strange taste: Oh, yeah, I was so great? What was so great about me? Will I be great next time around?

I much prefer clean feedback. Tell me what I did that worked and what I did that didn’t work without any personal judgement attached. Or, acknowledge something I did that made a difference for you. The more detailed the better, because knowing actual facts will help me improve. Thank you for a thought-provoking post!

By: Jill Koenig

Jill Koenig — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 00:25:04 +0000

For me it depends on the source. I grew up playing sports with my older brothers and there was always a lot of trash talking coming at me during pick up games in the neighborhood, and I gave it right back to them and held my own athletically and throughout life. It gets old, however, when there’s nothing constructive in it and I have learned that most people who are in the arena and doing their own work building something of any value are more helpful than hurtful with their words so those are the people whose feedback I value most. When I see people who just enjoy kicking over other people’s castles, they’re pretty easy to spot, and I limit my association with them.

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 04:00:57 +0000

I think I prefer neither. I don’t prefer empty praise meant simply to encourage, unless it’s about the effort I put in rather than the results.
I also don’t prefer criticism from people unless they’re qualified to give helpful feedback and they’re invested in my life enough to have earned it. A teacher or mentor, it a friend who’s walked with me would he examples of people who’ve earned that right

By: Tracy

Tracy — Thu, 10 Jan 2019 17:37:55 +0000

Hi Derek. I sure hope this post was fishing – I’m taking the bait!

Interesting take. I have not seen, however, where compliments ruin people. In fact, it usually takes an abundance of compliments (real ones) over criticism in order to sink in, unless the person is a narcissist, psychopath, or sociopath, in which case, they think they are god’s gift anyways. Everyone needs feedback to learn. But we need feedback on what we are doing well and what needs improvement (or elimination). Do we need criticism and compliments? Or just feedback. And love.

With your baby girl (I have 3 children and 3 grandchildren myself) – I do NOT suggest she will be ruined by compliments and I definitely think just criticism will destroy her. Trying loving feedback instead.

Cheers, Tracy

By: Adrian

Adrian — Thu, 10 Jan 2019 17:05:06 +0000

When you think about it – criticisms and compliments are pretty much the same beasts. Both are forms of feedback, both can be taken too close to heart and both can produce some unintended behavior in their receiver. Obviously, society prefers to receive compliments if anything, but they’re very similar human responses in the end.

So yeah, many people are too afraid of criticism. And if a person is afraid of criticism then I’d say they’re also very likely to treat compliments as a form of mental masturbation and nothing more than that.

By: Jason

Jason — Thu, 10 Jan 2019 16:37:06 +0000

It’s all about the individual.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Thu, 10 Jan 2019 15:56:56 +0000

What a deep and powerful message today, my friend. Interesting take. My grandmother, an old-school Italian immigrant, used to say it was bad to compliment people, that it would spoil them somehow. You always had to follow it up by spitting on the ground to foil the evil eye. As a speaker and performer myself, it’s easy to see how you can get addicted to the applause—performers live for it. But praise in the absence of substance can create a monster. Me, I like to know what I did well, to learn what resonated, but like you, I’m always asking, “What could I do better next time?” But that’s the key: NEXT time. Your friend was right about enjoying the moment; you’ve earned it. Accept the good in the moment and rather than regret what you did not do well (which is not productive), simply use it to improve the NEXT time. Good luck on your new launch, by the way. Sounds exciting.

By: chris

chris — Thu, 10 Jan 2019 15:49:48 +0000

Hi Derek,

I read your post and I can accept only a part of it.
Criticism is what make you greater and you should never be shy about it but it does not mean you should not receive compliment about what you achieved.
Myself I praise my co-worker every day and I push harder on them to make the most incredible things every day and they do! They do it with a large smile on their face because they know that we will all live an amazing day today. If you do things with no enlightment one day you will just run for an other challenge!
Let’s make everything we do every day with joy and no fear to not be perfect. And make sure that tomorrow you will not repeat mistake from the past!

Chris

By: Kevin

Kevin — Thu, 10 Jan 2019 15:48:04 +0000

Find a way to be hard on yourself without robbing people of the opportunity to develop encouragement skills.

Ideally others’ kindness and our own harshness will balance themselves.