How to Deal With Haters

by Derek Halpern | Follow Him on Twitter Here

How I deal with haters

Some people HATE me…

…And some people LOVE me.

A few months ago, I spoke at a conference, and one guy wrote “I want to punch Derek in the face” on one of the anonymous speaker feedback surveys.

At that same conference, one woman wrote that she’d like to “marry me.”

Seriously…

…but I’m not surprised.

I don’t say this to brag, but over the last 18 months, I’ve given presentations all over the United States, and my blog grew from scratch to more than 70,000 combined subscribers. These reactions were inevitable.

But less about me, and more about you.

I’m bringing this up because one of my readers asked me “How do you deal with haters,” and I thought “GREAT question!”

As people, we can receive 100 compliments, and they feel great.

But sometimes we can’t resist focusing on the one hater…

…And that’s why I filmed this short 90 second video that walks you through how I deal with my haters.

With 2013 fast approaching, how do YOU plan on dealing with haters? Leave a comment.

Also, if you have a few seconds, I’m creating some new trainings and social triggers TV episodes. Fill out these 2 simple questions and you may find that I answer your question on video too. Answer the questions here.

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{ 155 comments… read them below or add one }

Jon Cooper

Wow, very interesting post Derek! I feel as if you aren’t making enemies, then you aren’t different enough, and when there’s so just so much noise online, the only way to get ANY traction is to be different.

Cheers, and great to meet you in person at BlueGlassX!

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Derek Halpern

Same to you Jon.

And you’re right.

I rather have people who hate + love than people who just nothing me.

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Piers | Kickstarters'HQ

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”
~ Elie Wiesel: Nobel Prize for Peace

People only hate things that they feel are making a difference in this world. If you’re doing it right… you’re making a difference. Great reminder, as always Derek.

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Duff

People hate all sorts of things.

For instance, I hate wooden chairs. I mean seriously, have you ever sat in a wooden chair? Does anybody think wooden chairs are actually comfortable?

Getting strong reactions from people does not mean one is making a difference or doing something important, only that one is getting strong reactions from people.

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Piers | Kickstarters'HQ

Yes, that’s true that a strong reaction doesn’t equal a positive contribution to the world. It’s not a two way street just as all robins are birds, but not all birds are robins.

So, you’re right, a strong reaction doesn’t automatically mean making a difference. At the same time, anyone perceived as making a difference will tend to get a strong reaction. Anyone perceived as not really affecting anything, rarely gets a strong reaction.

BTW I’m typing this from my wood chair right now. I love it because it’s hard enough, that it reminds me to get up and move regularly.

Just sayin’ :)

sadie

Thanks so much. This came seconds after I got a really nasty complaint from a customer (my first, it was terrifying!). I really appreciate it. Perfect timing. Love your emails, keep ‘em coming.

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Derek Halpern

Now you can just forward this video over to them.

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Joe Cassandra

You should put up a post showing a picture of your ban list, that’d be funny!

You know you made it when you’re getting haters, take it as a compliment!

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Derek Halpern

Right? That ban list would be hilarious. A picture of all the people I banned, and why I banned them.

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Liz

Do it!

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Sean Mysel

Dave Chappelle said it best in this video: http://youtu.be/-SI_ZgjcmPY.

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Dana Williams

Halpern out! I dig the new sign off.

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Derek Halpern
Justin Westbrooks

Haha – agreed!

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Amanda aka AbsintheDragonfly

This was absolutely brilliant Derek! It’s really a mindset shift, to look at all of the people who love you and love what you do, instead of focusing on the few who don’t.

Thank you SO much! This is going to be really helpful for me, to remember for the rest of 2012, and the upcoming new year!

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Derek Halpern

That’s exactly what I like to hear Amanda. Keep it up!

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Brian Dean

Good advice here Derek.

I’ve always thought you were doing great things
and never hated on you man.

This quote from Tim Ferris may also be insightful: “It’s not how many people don’t get it…it’s how many people do.”

By focusing on the ones that get it (even if they’re in the minority) you can focus on serving your community.

I’ll close with some rapper wisdom: “haters gonna hate”.

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Alan

I’m also happy when I ban someone from my site. There are thousands of bloggers out there covering similar content as I am, they can take their rants somewhere else, and as you just said… my website is not a democracy! It’s my website, and I have total control over it.

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Christopher Walker

Dude – love this!

“Why? Because it’s MY site: it’s not a democracy!”

It can be really easy to focus on that hater minority, shifting away from the positive majority. But I definitely agree with you man…Turn ‘em and burn em. People usually hate on you because you make them feel uncomfortable, which usually means you’re doing something meaningful.

Thanks for the tips, Derek.
Chris
PS I think I saw you walking on Broadway in Midtown a couple weeks ago.

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Derek Halpern

Probably true… I was in midtown a few weeks ago. That’s how you know you’re beginning to attract too many subscribers. When people recognize you on the street, ha ha.

That said, why didn’t you come say what’s up? ;-P

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Christopher Walker

Totally should’ve. It was one of those “I think I know that guy… Oh wait, yeah I definitely know that guy.” Then I turn around and you’re swallowed into the sea of people lol.

Next time I see you in the city I’ll say what’s up. It’s a small world so it’ll prob happen again.

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Andrew Martin

Yeah, I loved that “Why? Because it’s MY site: it’s not a democracy!” quote too – I almost did an air punch.

Derek, I turn to your blog for advice because I know that you snowplough through the BS and (refreshingly) get straight to the point. That’s so useful when there’s just too much inconclusive wafty ‘maybe’ ‘advice’ floating around.

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Andre

I ban them – and then ignore them. :-)

And “never feed the troll”. It’s just not worth it.

As you said, I prefer to focus on my loyal and wonderful customers! :-)

André out. ;-)

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James M.

Yes, I prefer not to hate the haters. That’s just expending unnecessary energy on those not worth your effort. Like you said, just ban and ignore them.

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Al Woods

Haters are always going to hate, I think the main reason is because they want to be successful and are unhappy because they’re not!

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Jackie Lee

This seems to be the message I need to “get” this week. I had a situation earlier this week, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. It seems the “Universe” is sending me the answer via all my favorite bloggers. Thanks Derek.

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Dr. Carney

Derek,

You’re on top of this. I agree 100%. We all have haters, even when we more or less give them the kitchen sink, and some of them need the kitchen sink up their A___.

But that’s another story.

Keep up the good work man. You’re doing it.

Dr. Carney

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Ryan Hanley

Haterz hate homey… Rock on.

Hanley

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Switchtoecig

This is so true. It is not possible to be liked by everyone. And it is most cost-ineffective to focus your energies on someone’s negativity.
And: this is my website, this is not democracy! I love that one!

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Golda

I totally agree. I wrote about this a while back in the context of body image / body acceptance, but it’s the same principle for sure. http://www.bodylovewellness.com/2011/04/18/how-to-handle-haters/

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Roxanne

It’s so easy to get caught up in one person’s ugliness despite getting praise and encouragement from dozens of others. Allowing a person like that to get in your head and have a negative impact on you or your business is tantamount to allowing that person to control your life. In other words, they win.

Thank you for reminding us that when it comes to our work and businesses, “this is not a democracy.” Love it.

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Alan | Life's Too Good

Hey Derek,

if you’re getting ‘haters’ then it probably means that you’re doing something right, but then you knew that already ;-)

The worst thing you can be is middle-of-the-road, average, just like everybody else.

I agree with you – when you get any kind of strong feedback, love OR hate, you should be celebrating it and comfortable in your own skin doing what you’re doing in any case.

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Alexis

Totally right on the money. If you don’t have any haters you probably aren’t all that interesting either.

And while intellectually I 100% agree with what you’re saying, emotionally it’s a different matter. I can get 1,000 comments from people saying that I’m totally awesome. And then one person chimes in to say I’m an idiot. And it totally ruins my day. Trying to move beyond that but haven’t gotten there yet :P

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Michelle

Right there with you on the trying not to let it ruin my day. I think it might be a female thing – we take things to heart way too much sometimes!

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Matt Lowen

A great example of something you’re great at doing Derek.

I remember when I was just getting started in Email marketing, people weren’t used to running through the process of downloading, confirming, receiving follow-up emails,etc. (I’m a musician) and I would get the odd nasty message: “Stick your music up your ***” “I’m fed up with your stupid runaround, let me hear the song already.”

What I used to do was write them polite emails back explaining what I was trying to do and letting them know I would take their opinion into consideration as I learned the ropes. But the comments bothered me, in spite of what I know about taking criticism.

Then one day, I listened to one of your webinars where you talked about targeting the right people and getting rid of the wrong ones and you were just like “Leave, get off my list… I don’t want you here.”

That was a major lightbulb for me. Now if anyone gives me any attitude, whether on Twitter, email, etc. I just make them disappear and get on with providing great stuff for the people who appreciate it.

So thanks for that! Lowen out.

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James Chartrand - Men with Pens

“It’s MY site; it’s not a democracy.”

Hear, hear.

Though I’ll admit that the sense of entitlement that some people feel about telling others what to do with their sites always surprises me. Guess I’ll never get used to that level of self-centered arrogance!

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Jeff Goins

For the longest time I fretted over getting people to like me. I argued with haters, then tried to accommodate them. I obsessed over their criticism. I wanted to be liked.

But as I did this, it was costly to my art.

So I made a radical decision: I would no longer argue with haters, nor would I accommodate them.

I would simply say two words: “Thank you.”

That set me free.

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Chris Gaynor

You are an inspiration to people trying to get on in the world…

Yes, I watch a lot of gangster films and I almost subscribe to the “screw em” act as YOU ARE YOU, AND THEY DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.

If you judge a book by its cover it’s their loss because that book may have a wealth of information inside and I personally love reading everything.

And…

ALL publicity is PUBLICITY in my opinion. The very fact that they are reading it means that they must be half interested, so its their hypocrisy at work….

Sorry for the rant, but that post of yours got my juices flowing! Great stuff!

I salute you!

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Emily

I have to actively remind myself of this. I’ve had some of the most angry, hate filled clients this year but I remind myself that this they want to spend their time hating me, that’s their decision. It’s hard to put on the thick skin sometimes.

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Gail Doby

AMEN, brother! Life is short, and you are so right, it’s about having confidence that you have something of value to offer, and if someone doesn’t appreciate you … NEXT!

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Susan Giurleo

As, yes, love to ban and love those email list unsubscribes, too. They aren’t going to pay me any money so they might as well go bother someone else, or find someone that they like better. No hard feelings : ).

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Mike

I used to engage with haters, and spent a lot of time and effort doing so. Usually all for naught. Now I simply post their comments, and let my loyal readers go after them. Much more effective.

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Jessica Weagle

I actually got my first 1 star review on Yelp. Since that review I have gotten more traffic from my Yelp listing and more people coming in letting me know they found me from there. Not such thing as bad publicity.

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MarulaNY

That was just awesome. It is so unnecessary to deal with people with lousy energy. In fact, it’s unproductive to your business and it’s progress.

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Tina

Short, sweet and to the point – love it (and completely agree with you)!

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The Get In Shape Girl

Haha. My site is definitely NOT a democracy either, and I think it’s hilarious when I ban folks from my Facebook fan page. Luckily it doesn’t have to happen often – I think when you act respectful, most often you attract respectful people.

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Patrick Wagner

Perfect timing on your blog post as usual, I was on a thread discuss the same issue. How some Haters do what they can to throw you off your game or hide behind the web writing things they would never say to your face.

The more popular you get the more the haters come out of the wood work, so beware and ignore them.

Thanks, D.

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John

Hi Derek,

Thanks for the timely tip. We just launched Facebook/Twitter and a blog for a non-profit that support a program for kids-at-risk. Some of the people involved ARE worried about people coming to the site to “hate”. I forwarded them your email as I think that your message will help to allay their fears.

Keep those great emails coming!!!

John

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Lindsay Shack

I have a new business, and I just got my first unsubscribes and unlikes on FB. It stung at first, but it drifts to the back of your mind, I’ve realized. I’m just going to keep on keepin’ on. Thanks so much, as always, Derek!

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Claudine

Yeah, amen! Don’t waste your energy on worrying about someone/something negative when there are so many beautiful people/things in the world!

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Joshua

Preach it brother!

Haters = Success.

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Angela

good lord, I watched this FOUR TIMES!! In a tight economy, it’s hard not to want to please everyone … you are right, and I will have to watch it a few more times to really shift my thinking.
love your stuff, Halpern, keep it coming.
x
old lady archivist fan

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Deb Lund

Hmmm… I was just talking about focusing on the one negative event instead of the pile of positives with my kids. Your perfect ending to the video made me laugh with delight.

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Ryan Hache

That just made my day man..

“halpern out” *thats a knee slapper.

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Dan

This made me happy.

I also amass haters wherever I go, & sometimes I fail to recognize the people who are actually really interested in what I have to say.

Doesn’t it seem like when you are under attack the world gets a lot smaller all of a sudden?

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Nicole Jolie

Derek,
You ROCK… I agree with that woman! I’d love to have a great guy like you in my life – Maybe you can come up with the Derek Halpern Angel on My Shoulder doll! :) Thanks for the great advice. Nicole

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Alexis

Derek,

I have subscribed to many bloggers (cooking, design, publishing, SEO) and you are my favorite of them all. I always click through on your emails, but usually hit delete before reading others’. That’s because you show so much personality in your videos, so I feel like I know you. Many others forget to do that.

Keep it up, Derek. You’re a cool guy. :-)

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Meghan

Booyeah! I run a health business focussed on help people get happy first and healthy second. I am amazed at what riles people up and that they take the time to send nasty comments or complain about stuff etc. We use the “delete and move on” approach here.

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Robinsh

I’m agree with you and your words that we should not care about haters over the lovers and loyal followers, we should never waste our time for them who hates us.

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Brandon Cordoba

“Because it’s my site, it’s not a democracy!” lol :)

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Astra Spider

Great video Derek! I find that no matter a person’s reaction, I can’t take it personally – because it’s got to do with their own stuff, inside them. :) Thanks for making me smile today!

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Kacee

Derek,
No, I will never be as aggressive as you (sad, but true). But I can dream! You encourage me and make me SMILE. Thank you for your boldness, wisdom, and honesty.

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Michael Fordham

Great post Derek, really love the tips and your blog! Been a long time subscriber and look forward to future posts. By the way, I love the way you write, carries on well.

All the best!

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Dragos

You couldn’t have said that better! Great job!
A question for you, I was just asked today by a customer: how do you deal with a negative (yet false) post about your business on somebody else’s blog? How do you offset that? I suggested my customer to start writing a blog (hiring a good writer) and maybe dealing with reputation.com. Cheers!

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Rahat

When you start getting haters, that’s when you know your doing something right.

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Dana

Yay, Derek!

I LOVE you. (In a totally non-threatening way. No ring on your way, lol)

You are one cool dude.

Someone gave me a negative score about my blog, and I thought “my first troll.” I worried, but like you say, that’s something to celebrate. Yay, Dana!

Keep on posting!

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Michelle

Totally agree…. I don’t know why people even worry about this…so what! Who cares! Don’t waste your time worrying about it. People that take the time to send abusive messages are clearly extremely unhappy. That’s for them to resolve and deal with…
It’s for yours to get on with your own life and worry about what you can control…how you react and respond to what’s going on in your life.

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Sandy

THANKS, I needed that!! Read something a bit back from one who said because the website and information we provide is a GIFT, we don’t have to answer to anyone in regard to whether they like the gift we’ve given or not.. It is the gifter’s choice to give as they please and not the receiver’s right to demand something different! That advice coupled with yours is helping me fret less over those haters who don’t like my ideas.. Their loss! LOL! THANKS for your great videos.. they inspire me. ;-)

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deborah

Derek,
TOTALLY FREAKIN’ LOVING THIS! Short and sweet baby!!!! I JUST wrote an email to a member of my group about this – about 2 hours ago. This is what I SAY – I only invite AMAZING people into my life. period. In turn that means I don’t let anyone short of amazing in. and guess what? the haters fall away. When you are focusing on Amazing, there’s no room for haters or stupidity or harassment. So that’s what it is – put out amazing and that’s what you draw back to you. Think I’m stuck up or a hater myself? nahh, I’m amazing, and so is everyone else. period!! BUT if they aren’t acknowledging it, and covering it up with crap and foolishness, well, they aren’t invited to play in my world. And that’s what I do – I play. And laugh and am in awe of every day of my life. I mean – who doesn’t want that?? I’ll tell you who – HATERS!! HA HA HA HA here’s a bit more, if you want to know what’s up with what I’m talking about. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gdk7ldfldtc
PEACE OUT!

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Walt Goshert

Rick Reilly, 11 Time Sportswriter of the Year, Retweets every Hater Tweet…

It’s hilarious.

If you’re a sports fan… or writer… or marketer…

Worth a Follow to watch it:

@ReillyRick

Oh, BTW, highest paid Sportswriter. Ever.

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Adrian

Spot on Derek.
We can’t please all the people all the time and we need to be true to ourselves don’t we. Anything else is just false and smacks of manipulating others into liking us, which they won’t because they’ll twig that something about us is not right! Hence we’ll repel those people who would have liked us and those who will always hate us, still hate us. No thanks.
Life is a lot easier and more enjoyable when we stay true to ourselves.

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Chad

100% right on Derek, if you waste time and energy worrying about the haters you allow them to rent space in your head, robbing you of the ability to focus in a manner that is inline with your best and highest purpose.

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Sarah (Saturday Sequins)

Derek,

I used to worry so much about people hating me until I came across Erika of Redhead Writing. She argues that it’s actually good to be unpopular with some people because it means you’ll be popular with the right people. This idea changed my outlook a lot.

So when I get my first hate mail, I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll also picture my hater wearing a pink fuzzy bunny costume because nobody can take an angry bunny seriously.

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Kelly McCausey

I’ve wallowed in those waters way too much over the years but I’m glad to say that I don’t waste much time on haters these days.

The big question is why do the haters waste their time telling us how much we stink? LOL!

I dislike a lot of people, but I don’t go around telling them about it ;)

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Niveen Salem

Great video Derek! Another approach I’ve heard some marketers do is to actually take the haters email and post it in public and make more sales that way…fishing in a hate bowl :)

How do you ban people from visiting your site? Is that a plugin..lol

Niveen

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Josh Belanger

Derek,

Great video, but it’s one of those things that is easier said than done. Don’t you think there is more of a mind shift and an underlying reason why someone would let a hater distract them?

Also, I find my self getting frustrated when someone asks for a refund even though I know my material works. Can you share your thoughts on how you tackle that and don’t let if affect you?

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Wally

Great stuff. People suck, and sometimes it’s hard to not pay attention to them, but clearly it’s what you have to do.

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Wendy Merron

So Derek, can you tell us how you REALLY feel? lol!
Nothing works better than common sense – and I agree it’s not worth engaging with haters.
Now, when you have to deal with difficult people during the holidays…that’s another story!
I think you’ll enjoy my favorite personal real solution :-) (It’s the most current blog on my site.)

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Greg Traver

Well said Derek! Getting hateful or threatening comments can certainly cause a knee jerk reaction. We don’t like it when people attack us and that can cause some internal anxiety wondering how to deal with it. I will typically respond to those who have philosophical differences if they can carry on a adult conversation, but to those who just spew hatred – it is all wasted effort. It is easier just to ban them right off the bat. I believe that it is a no-win situation to try to these people and I refuse to give them a platform on my blog. Thank You for the reminder that it is actually a sign that we are doing something right! Keep the Faith!

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Dawn Mattox

I spoke at a National Conference resulting feedback of about 60 “Thanks, Much needed, Awesome’ etc., and 2 reviews that I should be “blacklisted” because I used “unprofessional techniques.” I realized I only kept the 2 because of my drive to be perfect. Thanks Danny. It was perfect only didn’t realize it at the time.

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Cas McCullough

So, what do you do when someone loves you… a little too much, or you get one problem client who doesn’t hate you but won’t stop pestering you?

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Harrison

Haters just gonna hate.

Love the video reminder to x-them out and put them on the back burner.

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Brankica

Derek, this is the Best.Advice.Ever!
I am the same way, and I don’t think my FB personal profile, FB pages, blog or anything else is a democracy! LOL, love it!!! I ban, delete and remove unless it is constructive criticism… THANKS! (sorry for the yelling, but I am so glad to see someone actually saying this outloud) ;)

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Andi

Awesome video, Derek. This is just what I needed to hear right now. I’ve been feeling really low about a lecture I gave a few months ago where I got a few harsh comments (I think they were from two people in the audience that I know and don’t care for, but still, they STUNG!). I am still having a difficult time putting that presentation behind me, but your video really helped me refocus. I know I can’t “ban” those particular people from any future lectures, but it helps to think of banning them in my mind, at least! Thanks :-)

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Chef Kendra

I totally agree with everything Derek said on this on.

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mikecsmith

You got to realise that if someone HATES you, it’s for one or two reasons
1. They feel you have done them harm in some way, be it mind over matter or what ever.
2. They have a mental problem as is most cases of hate. “As a man think’s so is he”
Loved your video, keep up the great work Derek

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Michele

Over the years my young daughter would come home from school with a tale of woe about some kid who was mean to her or one of her friends. We’ve had many talks about why kids say or do mean things, and it all boils down to “they have a personal growth issue and lack of self esteem that has nothing to do with you. Be thankful you’re not in their shoes and keep your distance from their bad energy.”

Seems to me these grown-up meanies likely never got over what troubled them as children, and they still feel compelled to stomp on others to confirm their self-importance. It’s sad, really. And you’re right, Derek, cut them off when they want to inflict their bad vibes.

Thanks for the thoughtful, super-fun energy message!

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Dennis

Interesting. I started getting those emails too when I changed approach in my newsletters. The obvious thing I noticed was the overwhelming positive email I received compared to the hate email. But the hate email really gets to you…

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Max Miller

We have had an internet business for 20 years and we also have had a few haters. We agree with you. A familiar saying comes to mind…”You couldn’t please everyone if you had a Pleasing Machine.”

Spend your valuable time with your appreciative customers. After all, they are willing to spend their time and money with you.

Max & Darlene Miller

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Chris Johnson

Derek-

This is, I think, the very first time that I’ve ever heard you say that you weren’t surprised!

I was SHOCKED when I heard those words coming out of your mouth.

-Chris

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RITA

Thank you Derek, Your wonderful!!! I needed to hear that!!! xo

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Sandra

I totally agree with you Derek and thanks for the reminder.
As human beings we tend to dwell on one negative comment rather than the many positives you receive.
Keep up the good work.

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Joe Timmins

Hey Derek, I found you via your part at Creative Live recently.

I came over and started reading some of your short but sweet posts.

Much of what you say I feel like you picked right out of my brain. It just sort of “resonates” really easily.

Means I’ll be following your site for sure.

- Joe

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Pablo Gomez

Hi Derek,

I do have my own website and just like you, I have people who really likes me and people who don’t. to make things worst, I am originally from Argentina but living in London and 30 years ago the Falklands War divided argentine people on those who hate Great Britain and everything related to it and those who really don’t care.
A couple of weeks ago I received an email from a person who actually said he hated my blog and also that since I was living in London, I should become a British citizen.
How I dealt with it? … first I answer his email thanking him for writing and secondly telling him that nowadays there are millions of options to look at on the internet and if he didn’t like my blog, then he should forget about it.
Then another thing happened … I made a comment on my Facebook page about this email and it was amazing the response and feedback from those who actually like my site. They all defended the blog and ask me to continue until now !

As you said, just ignore them and even better, ban them from your site. This is the first time I make a comment here but always follow you and I am one of those who LOVE you !!!

Cheers from London,
Pablo

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Laura Stamps

First, let me say I get really excited when I see you have a new post and video. I love your stuff!! A dangerous comment coming from the SexWitch, but there you have it. ~wink~ Seriously, I’ve been in biz for 25 years and what you say is what has always proven to be sound and true. However when the web came around people kinda forgot that (like how important your list is) so it’s wonderful to see you teaching this good stuff on your blog.

As for haters, I do the same thing. I always say that’s what the “delete” key is for on computers. I know I’m not everyone’s cuppa. So I groove with those who groove with me (my fans know they get lots of extra loving from me), and ignore those who don’t. Life is too short to let anyone keep you from dancing happily as you do your thing!! xoxo

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Clara Rose

Well David… this message is timely since I just heard from my first hater last week. Ouch is hurt, good words today thanks!

Clara Rose

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Serdar

Derek, is the white background on your video a video enhancement or the actual setting you use during the video shoot?

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Kevin

I first read this as, “How to deal with hipsters”

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Martin

Dead on as usual Derek,

If you don’t have haters you’re most likely not doing anything in the first place. I actually laughed when I got my first hater message. It’s too easy to hit a like button. Those things really don’t let you know you actually reached someone enough to get a response. Someone taking the time to actually sit down and write out a hate message. That was like hitting an entirely new level for me.

I still remember my first one. It was so simple the guy wrote ” Your an IDIOT.” My first thought was total grammar nazi, that’s YOU’RE not your. :) My second thought was I might be an idiot but I was the Idiot that got you riled up enough to send that message.

Thanks again for the great message.

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Mary

Hi Derek. I love your take on handling haters.

My work is about handling potentially explosive interactions at work. Given that, sometimes I DO respond to my haters to demonstrate to my followers how that kind of thing can be defused. I think it’s important if I am teaching or challenging my followers to take on tough conversations, I need to model that sometimes.

BTW, *if* I do respond to a hater, I start by taking the tone of assuming they have a legitimate beef. I invite them to help me understand better. That’s not what they want to do. That’s not the reaction that want. Most never come back. I don’t do this often, for all the reasons you mentioned. But depending on the forum, I sometimes do it for my peeps.

Enjoying the Derek show. Mary

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Christina

We have a fun hater, he masquerades as an official rep of our tourism destination and makes up facts that make us look bad, the real official reps! He gets the attention of the media too, so we are constantly being questioned because of his stories… We ignore him, but the media doesn’t. How would you deal with that?

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Ryan OLoughlin

I think haters are more apparent when 1) you make something remarkable and 2) you do it online, which is most of us here.

Anyway, the anonymous factor makes trolls come out. I mean even the guy who wanted to punch you, that was an anonymous comment.

Since the Internet removes the physical contact between people, normal people become pandhandlers (as you said in a previous video) and they also become trolls.

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Alessandra

Thank you for sharing this! I actually had this happen to me this week! It’s happened before, it will happen many more times again… but the thing I can’t figure out for myself is why I give a flying funk that one person doesn’t care for me… ? It seems to ruin my entire day! It’s crazy!

So, to make a long story short, great timing on this one!

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Max

Hey Derek
Great video. I agree with you 100%, your sitting on my side of the fence, because life is definitely too short too waste time with haters. Time is our most valueable asset.

cheers
Max

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Sarena

Great post, Derek!
So true… I call them “tomato tossers” and wrote a blog post about it a while ago, called “Good thing I love Ketchup”! ;) There is nothing you can do, there are always more people who will like you and if you have some haters, it hopefully means that you are standing for something – and staying true to your values. Much enjoyed, as always!

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Jocelyne

Lovely Derek!
I saw this on facebook the other day which is just how I feel about these people:
“This christmas I’ve decided to put mistletoe in my back pocket so that all the people who I don’t like can kiss my ass.”
(and those who don’t like me!)

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Patricia

Haha Jocelyne I like that one. I might try that one out.

Patricia

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Ken Carroll

Hey Derek,

I like William Burroughs’ attitude in these situations:

“I don’t care if most people hate my guts. I asssume that most people do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it.”

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Mike Williams

Agreed, tell the haters to beat it!. They are usually broke with a ridiculous mentally.

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Liz

haha, love ya for this! Same goes for clients offline – difficult clients take up 10x the amount of time that I’d, personally, rather spend helping five other grateful clients!

cheers!

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Patricia

I really like your video Derek, I also look at it is if they are hating on you then you are doing something right. So it’s just best to just get rid of the 1 hater than to take away from the other customers.

Patricia

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Michelle

Oh Derek, if only you knew how timely this one is for me! I’ve been dealing with the mother of all haters (literally! She’s not my client, her *daughter* is!) and I’ve allowed it to completely ruin my week. Yes, I’m still giving my other clients great products and services, but I’ve really let this one get under my skin – even though I knew that was a ridiculous thing to do and a waste of my time.

I find the best thing to do is just acknowledge that generally speaking, it’s not ME or my MY BUSINESS which is the issue – it’s them. They have something else going on in their life which is making them so bitter and negative. Me? I run a successful, happy business and so it’s no wonder I’m their nearest target!

I especially loved the “for every one hater there are hundreds who love you” – such a great line. I’m totally borrowing it. :)

Michelle

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Jessica Suranyi-Hammond

I remember back in the day when I first started listening to your videos and there were a few comments, now I practically get carpel tunnel from scrolling so much trying to get to the bottom to comment!

As always great video- thanks.

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@AndyBrinks

Haters can also be use useful.
They can provoke reaction in apathetic majority
Help you clarify what you’re doing RIGHT
I’ve also heard that YT videos that have a small % of dislikes on them gives you a better ranking than 100% likes.

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Israel García

Hi Dereck.

I really like your blog.

Regarding the article, that if people hate you? matters, it is they who have the problem not you.
You really give a person who hates you?

Do not think if you hate it or not, your life will go.

Dereck not have Facebook??

Greetings.

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Karen Skidmore

Love it Derek! IMHO if you haven’t offended anyone or made someone dislike what it is that you represent, then I don’t believe your opinions or style are big enough to stand out and reach out to the people who will love you. And it’s only when people love you, will they will moved to spend money with you. Leave liking to Facebook posts :)

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Dave

How do you define a hater?

Where, in your opinion, is the line between someone disagreeing strongly with something you say and being a hater?

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Sarah Russell

Ha! Personally, I see haters as an indication that I’ve “made it” to an extent. You can’t have haters if your message isn’t loud enough for trolls to hear it and get offended (no matter how irrationally).

Usually, I just delete their messages and then remind myself that I’m probably 100 times happier and more successful than people who waste their time tearing others down online :)

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Yoli

You said it Sarah!

:)

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Joshua Waldman

What? No B-roll bloopers at the end. That’s the only reason I watch your videos through to the end :) (JK)

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Gabriela Pereira

LOVE this video!

I find that one of the best ways to deal with haters is to thank them. Seriously, whenever a hater feels the need to publicly point out something they don’t like about my business, I always make a point of thanking them for their feedback and for helping me make my business the best that it can be. Shuts them up every time.

I also loved your line about taking charge of our businesses because it’s our business and not a democracy. So true! I’ve actually been known to refer to my work as a benevolent dictatorship and I happen to be the one in charge. (I’m joking, of course… but only slightly.)

Have an awesome New Year, Derek and everyone else here! Here’s to all your continued business success!

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Gabe Johansson

Hey Derek,

Gotta love haters! I appreciate the attention the other way and I definitely agree that if you have some haters, you’ll have even more people that like you (unless you’re just doing it wrong).

Love the concise, yet super helpful video!

Johansson, out!

Yeah, doesn’t have the same ring… lol

Thanks!
-Gabe Johansson

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Stephen Guise

The only way a hater wins is with acknowledgement. If you ignore them, it devastates them, even if they don’t show it. Anyways, I will keep this in mind. I’ve only had one semi-hater so far. :-p

I love your stuff Derek. You put the research in and it makes a huge difference.

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Laurie

Brilliant Derek! I think the point you made about not being a democracy is very relevant here. If we prioritise that one point it will be of help. It’s our site, as you say, so we choose how to manage it!

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Yoli

I ignore very well…

Thank you! Derek; another great post.

btw… are you working out? looking good brother!..

Please keep em comin’ ..

Yoli

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Isantis Tao

I have a similar experience. People either love me or hate me. I feel like anyone who stands above others has a similar experience. If you are somebody, your going to have people who dont like you, but generally unless your a genuinely bad person people will generally like you and you dont need to worry about anyone who doesnt.

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shanna

Love it, Derek!

I have always engendered strong feelings–either you love me or you don’t. I don’t go out of my way NOT to be liked, but I don’t give a damn if they someone does or does not like me!

I am on a mission, I do good work, and my people want me straight, no chaser. Shanna, served up, is how I do :)

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Tina

I’m definitely guilty of over-explaining things to myself and other people. I’ll try putting this into action and see where it gets me. To be continued…. :)

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Ashley

Great post :) Would rather people say what they felt than hide behind what they think everyone wants them to say. If you hate someone for a good reason, great – just don’t let it eat you. Its all noise at the end of the day, and you choose to hear it or ignore it!

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corrado izzo

“Halpern out” – Kicks ass !!!

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Jemma Taylor

Wonderful post Derek! Taking one of your classes and dancing beside you is a joy! When I encounter haters I always stop to ask myself what they are really hating? If hating me is helping them blow-off a little steam–I consider it community service. There is no public life without critics. !

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David

I watched a video seminar on CreativeLive where you mentioned this same thing when talking about List Building. I’ve taken your message at heart and don’t care if I loose a few jerks off my site/list that don’t like me anyway.

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Melinda

Exactly.

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ShinazyBOBBblog

One word for Haters of my website …

DELETE

The End

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Jula

This is the female way to go…..

Females delete. Males compete.

It’s either silence or a full-blown cockfest. But that’s what makes it interesting. HAHAHA

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Jula

I haven’t met too many people who say:

“People either love me or hate me.” and there is even a fractional group of people who love them.

Think about it? Don’t the people who usually use this line attempt to use it as some saving grace for their aberrant personalities? I’ve known 2 women who have used this line and they were either totally crazy or bitchy and mean!

I don’t understand this, “you either love me or hate me.”

Why!? If someone is naturally humane and lovable why would someone have to hate them!?

Furthermore, why would someone who “hated” an unlikable person need to be characterized as weak, unless the real problem was with the loved/hated person….

You get what I’m saying boys and girls????

WAKE UP!!!!

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S

Hahaha, I was thinking “I wanna marry him!” the first time I watched one of your videos, lol. But then I remembered – oh, wait, I’m already married :)

Great work!

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Rey

Spot on! I do get loads of loathsome comments on some of my YouTube videos, but what I do to counter is comment that they are just making them more popular! :)

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Alfons

Well said ! Even though the first couple of haters are harder to “swallow” than you smash it, but after a while it’s easy to focus on the “lovers” and ignore the haters.

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josh taneja

Hatred shows the hating capacity of a person. It has little to do with you or the outside world. If the hatred target is removed once by leaving, it will find another destination target. Unless the source hater learns to deal with it. People who hate others find reasons to hate and justify the wrongs to be right. Hate is like an acid in a vessel. Hate will burn the container from within. Hate can only be neutralized by loving compassion and learning to forgive others. We need to constantly GROUND ourselves daily and learn NOT to take all problems of this world as a personal insult. Love and peace to all!

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Angel True

I’m always amused when people feel the need to say negative things about articles, argue points with a negative attitude, or hate on you. I tend to just ignore them and they go away… or call them out on their confusion or hypocrisy. But I wouldn’t hesitate to ban them if it was repetitive.

Great thoughts today Derek! Thanks.

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Bryn Watkins

“If you have enemies, good. It mean’s you’ve stood up for something in your life.”
-Winston Churchill

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Connie Trowbridge

I am book marking this post! Whenever that fear creeps in, or that resistance rises, or a hater appears, I will watch this video to set me straight! It’s the virtual slap-in-the-face that sometimes we need to snap out of whatever worthless trance we are in, and get back to what’s important. I particularly loved the part about “10 years from now, what will benefit your business and life more, stressing over one idiot, or wowing your customer?!” Love it! Thanks so much for this Derek!

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Johan

Way to go Derek! Be the nice dictator (leader maybe is a nicer word) and take away the haters…and make the persons who are reading the awesome stuff here skip the bad stuff. I prefer a more peaceful and friendly atmosphere. :)

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FrizzyGeek

Way to go Derek. This was just an amazing video, and like people say those who hate you are those who wish to be you!

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Marc Mawhinney

“Nobody kicks a dead dog” – Dale Carnegie

Everyone has critics – even Mother Teresa, Ghandi and the Dalai Lama. The advice given in the video (and comments) is bang on … ignore the haters, or use their hate as motivation to succeed!

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Meagan

found this while trying to google something else, I realize that it was posted a while ago, but I am curious

What do you do about the people who don’t get the hint when you block them and instead find a new avenue to follow you

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Kirk @ River Mud

Thanks for this. Due to some shuffling in upper leadership at work, I am suddenly exposed to the upper hater-sphere (currently I lack political cover). Your video, and a post I saw on another site, have led me to the solution: keep on doing what they hate, and leave them in the dust.

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Marv.n.Jo

LOL…great video Derek. Showing our age here, but this reminds us of a great line from Eddie Murphy’s “Delirious”: “This is my house….MY HOUSE. And if you don’t like it, you can get the f* out!” :-)

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Yuliya Suleymanova

Derek,
It’ll be interesting to see how many of those “haters” re-join your mailing list, twitter, facebook …

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Anna

Derek, I liked and shared this video on my facebook page. Just like you, I take pride in banning haters on my end of social media and my website. So far, I’m lucky enough to not have any haters of my website. However, when that times comes, I’ll gladly ban them. I’m like the Queen of Blockers, when I can’t stand someone online. LOL!

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Aayushi

“Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life.” ‪
(BoB Marley)

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Jyoti Chauhan

Hi Derek,

I enjoyed your post and video. I am totally agree with you. I simply ignore those people who hate me. Lovers number is greater than haters so we all don’t need to worry about haters.

Regards,
Jyoti

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John

If a hater has really gotten to me then i’ll imagine the haters presence in my life as the cigarette in my hand. Then i’ll go ahead and smoke that cigarette, both relaxing me and burning the haters presence.

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anymous

you know derek your right. i had a hater put me down online. and you know what i did i liked there coment. because i was doing something good to help them and other users. so they called me a loser. but they know nothng about me. so what do they know.

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